I Quit Tinder

March 27, 2017

I Quit Tinder. Alternately Titled: What Not To Put On Your Tinder Profile

It seems that the only way to connect with people these days is online or through your mobile device. I’ve always held this fantasy that I’d meet my future husband in that stereotypical meet-cute* way of the movies, in line at a coffee shop or at the grocery store. But let’s be real, most of my adult friendships have been made by way of internet connections, so how can I expect to meet my future husband organically offline.

I Quit Tinder

At this point in my life, I’m done dating for the heck of dating. I’m ready to settle down and find that person to share my life with until the end of time and I have a hard time finding myself in places with new, single people to meet and engage with. I decided to jump on the Tinder train in its early days to see what would happen. I wasn’t quite ready to jump into the paid online dating services but knew that the Plenty of Fish pool wasn’t for me so this seemed like a good compromise.

I was lucky enough to connect with a few fellas and even managed to go on some really nice dates with a couple of them but in the end, I realized that Tinder is a game I just wasn’t ready to play. By the time I said goodbye to the app for good, it was being used as an entertainment tool with girlfriends and a bottle of wine rather than a way to find potential dates. Thanks to AppleTV, we could swipe through Tinder profiles on the big screen and cringe at all the terrible, unoriginal male profiles together.

Here’s why we swiped left:

  • Photos with tigers are not original. Neither is your picture from Macchu Picchu.
  • Your photos featuring you smoking, drinking or doing drugs are disgusting
  • We do not care about your car or jacked up truck
  • Nor do we think it’s appropriate to take selfies in your car or jacked up truck
  • White sunglasses. Don’t wear them.
  • That time you were in a wedding in Mexico.
  • Flash on selfies in the gym mirror. Why?
  • Every single photo is a group shot. So, do we get to date everyone?
  • You clearly cropped out the girl in the photo. She’s your ex-girlfriend, isn’t she?
  • We like the ab shots, but we’d like to see your face. You know, the part we can have a conversation with.
  • What are you hiding under your hat and sunglasses? A terrible personality?
  • Every single photo is a selfie. Do you not have any friends? Ones that could take a photo for you?
  • You’re fingering the camera. Why?
  • Guys especially should not be making kissy or duck faces
  • Congratulations on doing a Spartan Race like everyone else in the last five years
  • Your scanned photo from 2013 makes us think you don’t look like that anymore.
  • Dead animals are gross and make us sad. Enough with the hunting photos.

There were a lot of icky profiles to swipe through before a girl could come across someone who seemed interesting enough to take a chance on. Even when there was a match, the chances were that person only wanted a hookup or had no interest in having a conversation. At the end of the day, while I’d had some great laughs with my girlfriends, I wasn’t any closer to finding a meaningful connection and I decided my time was best spent focusing on the things I love doing and less on trying to find the perfect profile.

I still haven’t made that meet-cute connection, but at least my time isn’t wasted swiping through cringe-worthy profiles anymore.

*A meet cute is a fictional scene, typically in film or television, in which a future romantic couple meets for the first time in a way that is considered adorable, entertaining, or amusing.

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  • Reply
    Jo @ Living Mint Green
    March 27, 2017 at 8:59 am

    Oh hell yes. I nodded yes to everything you wrote. I’m so conflicted when it comes to online dating. It *should* be easier to meet someone via technology BUT IT ISN’T. I found it often complicated things and made “dating” feel so forced and fake.
    On my last Tinder go round, I got to sick of all the small talk BS that I deleted it and hoped for the best IRL.

    That being said, I think there is value in sites like Match/eHarmony. Because you have to pay for it, you’re going to encounter people who take it seriously and aren’t looking for a hookup/cyber sexting penpal.

    • Reply
      March 27, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      I think it should also be easier to meet people IRL yet it’s really not haha

      You’re right though about the Match/eHarmony. I know so many people who’ve met their spouses from those services, I’m just not ready for that yet.

  • Reply
    March 27, 2017 at 9:17 am

    You already know how I feel about all of this….

    “Tigers HAHAHAHAHA”

    • Reply
      March 27, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Hahahaha love you!!

  • Reply
    Ange // Cowgirl Runs
    March 27, 2017 at 9:40 am

    Coming up with this list was seriously so fun! I deleted Tinder ages ago, and definitely don’t miss it.

    • Reply
      March 27, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      I know, it has to be like a year since I deleted it and I don’t miss it at all.

  • Reply
    Kris @ Canadian Girl Runs
    March 27, 2017 at 11:07 am

    OMG I was talking about this exact list yesterday with a couple of my girlfriends. I was even saying, “Why ALL group photos? Like I get the whole frat if I date you?”

    • Reply
      March 27, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      LOL right?!

  • Reply
    March 27, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    Wow that must have been entertaining/frustrating! I did have a coworker who legit met her husband in the Starbucks line a couple years ago! But it’s unlikely…

    • Reply
      March 27, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      Aw man, I can only hope that could happen to me hahaha.

  • Reply
    Brie @ A Slice of Brie
    March 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    HAHA you already know how I feel about this post! So good! While I’m jealous of the bonding you get to do with Ange and Kaella over this, I am glad I’m an old married woman 😉 I feel like, even before the introduction of social media and online dating (to this extreme), it was so hard to meet guys!

    • Reply
      March 27, 2017 at 8:07 pm

      Oh gosh, seriously, DON’T be jealous over any bonding over terrible internet dating stories lol

  • Reply
    March 27, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    Ok so real story- I’m an Edmontonian and my friend started an album of screenshots full of guys on Tinder posing in front of Manchu Pichu. I think she’s up to 14 now? Loved this post, so true!

    • Reply
      March 28, 2017 at 7:27 am

      HAHA! I seriously love that!

  • Reply
    What is making me laugh this week? – Canadian Girl Runs
    March 29, 2017 at 6:01 am

    […] you haven’t read Becky’s post called, I QuitTinder aka What Not to Put on Your Tinder Profile, you have to check it out. I laughed so hard at it because I agreed with every. single. thing. Oh, […]

  • Reply
    April 3, 2017 at 10:30 am

    I loved reading this, so funny!! I have heard from funny Tinder stories. I wish I knew a cool guy that was good enough for your and Liam. It must be awful trying to meet someone decent this day in age. I can’t imagine. It WILL happen though!

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