I Quit Tinder. Alternately Titled: What Not To Put On Your Tinder Profile
It seems that the only way to connect with people these days is online or through your mobile device. I’ve always held this fantasy that I’d meet my future husband in that stereotypical meet-cute* way of the movies, in line at a coffee shop or at the grocery store. But let’s be real, most of my adult friendships have been made by way of internet connections, so how can I expect to meet my future husband organically offline.
At this point in my life, I’m done dating for the heck of dating. I’m ready to settle down and find that person to share my life with until the end of time and I have a hard time finding myself in places with new, single people to meet and engage with. I decided to jump on the Tinder train in its early days to see what would happen. I wasn’t quite ready to jump into the paid online dating services but knew that the Plenty of Fish pool wasn’t for me so this seemed like a good compromise.
I was lucky enough to connect with a few fellas and even managed to go on some really nice dates with a couple of them but in the end, I realized that Tinder is a game I just wasn’t ready to play. By the time I said goodbye to the app for good, it was being used as an entertainment tool with girlfriends and a bottle of wine rather than a way to find potential dates. Thanks to AppleTV, we could swipe through Tinder profiles on the big screen and cringe at all the terrible, unoriginal male profiles together.
Here’s why we swiped left:
- Photos with tigers are not original. Neither is your picture from Macchu Picchu.
- Your photos featuring you smoking, drinking or doing drugs are disgusting
- We do not care about your car or jacked up truck
- Nor do we think it’s appropriate to take selfies in your car or jacked up truck
- White sunglasses. Don’t wear them.
- That time you were in a wedding in Mexico.
- Flash on selfies in the gym mirror. Why?
- Every single photo is a group shot. So, do we get to date everyone?
- You clearly cropped out the girl in the photo. She’s your ex-girlfriend, isn’t she?
- We like the ab shots, but we’d like to see your face. You know, the part we can have a conversation with.
- What are you hiding under your hat and sunglasses? A terrible personality?
- Every single photo is a selfie. Do you not have any friends? Ones that could take a photo for you?
- You’re fingering the camera. Why?
- Guys especially should not be making kissy or duck faces
- Congratulations on doing a Spartan Race like everyone else in the last five years
- Your scanned photo from 2013 makes us think you don’t look like that anymore.
- Dead animals are gross and make us sad. Enough with the hunting photos.
There were a lot of icky profiles to swipe through before a girl could come across someone who seemed interesting enough to take a chance on. Even when there was a match, the chances were that person only wanted a hookup or had no interest in having a conversation. At the end of the day, while I’d had some great laughs with my girlfriends, I wasn’t any closer to finding a meaningful connection and I decided my time was best spent focusing on the things I love doing and less on trying to find the perfect profile.
I still haven’t made that meet-cute connection, but at least my time isn’t wasted swiping through cringe-worthy profiles anymore.
*A meet cute is a fictional scene, typically in film or television, in which a future romantic couple meets for the first time in a way that is considered adorable, entertaining, or amusing.