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Thinking Out Loud

June 30, 2016

Hi, friends. Who is thankful that tomorrow is a holiday which means today is basically Friday and we have three whole days off to enjoy? Heck yeah, I am. This has been a pretty brutal week for me and I’ve been feeling pretty miserable if I can be frank. I’m looking forward to hopefully recharging and finding some spark again this weekend.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

  • Last night I had planned to hit up yoga in the park after work. Just as I pulled up, it started to downpour. I was so disappointed because I was really craving a good yoga release. I sat in the parking lot until just before the class was to start. The rain had lightened and they went ahead with the class. Mother Nature totally had our back because it turned beautiful again for the entire class , leaving me nice and sweaty.
  • Later in the evening and I ended up driving to one of my favourite spots in the city and went for a little walk. I stumbled upon a little piece of nature paradise in the middle of the city, where I stayed for a long time taking in the sights and sounds. There was a deer grazing off in the distance, ducks floating by, beavers swimming around doing their beaver thing and a cute little muskrat foraging for his bedtime snack. It was perfect and a little hard to leave to face reality again. I’m glad I stumbled upon this little place and will be definitely revisiting when I need a quick escape.
  • Do you ever have moments when you feel like your soul needs a hard reset? I’m having one of those moments this year. I feel like I’m not where I want to be in many aspects of my life and find it hard sometimes looking at others who seem to be in really great places. Im not entirely comparing myself to others because we all know how terrible the comparison trap is but I do know that im feeling off. I am really in need of the stars to align to make some major life changes so my soul can feel a little happier.
  • Parenting is hard. Liam’s dad has been off work since January and we’ve mutually agreed to split our time with Liam. While I’ve gradually gotten to a point where I don’t feel so lost when Liam is gone so long, it’s equally hard when he comes home because I constantly feel like I’m starting over. The first night always, without fail, comes with a meltdown of epic proportions. Every night following, bedtime is a nightmare, lasting an hour or more with constant stalling, whining and crying. I get so frustrated that I can’t seem to break Liam of these bad habits, that I don’t know how to discipline properly and that I’m just a failure of a parent because I don’t want to lie with him until he falls asleep every single night. I know someday I will long for the chance to lay beside him as he falls asleep and that perhaps I should take advantage of it and that just brings me more guilt. Then with some personal stresses this week leaving me in a terrible, horrible mood, I haven’t been the most fun for Liam this week and I feel terrible about it. Seriously, is there a point when things get easier and you stop doubting your parenting abilities?
  • I’ve had to cut my coffee consumption in half. My doctor suspects I may have an ulcer and because I typically drink at least 4 cups a day, he suggests I limit myself to 2 at most and see if symptoms get better. The first week I felt like my brain was in a fog and was so, so tired. However, I was diligent about eating well and limiting acidic foods and alcohol (womp) and I felt much better. While it definitely sucks having to cut back on the good stuff, it would definitely be good to know that’s what’s going on and not a bigger, unknown issue.
  • Have you met Jo? She really inspires me to work towards a life and self that I truly love. She is also really great with talking me through issues that are stressing me out (usually dating related). She always knows just the right thing to say and has a no BS attitude that I love. <3
  • Lastly, dating sucks.

I’m spending the weekend by the lake and hopefully also in the mountains. Liam and I are looking forward to relaxing on Canada Day at the beach with family and then if all goes according to plan, I’m heading to Lake Louise to do a little hiking. I hope you all have a fantastic, safe Canada Day long weekend friends!

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12 Comments

  • Reply
    Tawnya Faust
    June 30, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    Oh Becky… we all have moments in parenting like you’re feeling. You are an INCREDIBLE mother, please don’t ever feel like you’re failing… you have so much strength and I commend you for sharing equal parenting to Liam’s Daddy, even if it makes parenting harder because you loose consistency. I admire what you’re doing and Liam will too XOXO

    • Reply
      Becky
      July 5, 2016 at 7:52 am

      Thank you friend <3

  • Reply
    Edward McIntyre
    June 30, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    Co-parenting is hard. We all have our own rules and things we let pass, which makes is incredibly hard to create consistency. We split when my son was only 1 so he never really knew what a Dad was, when he was 2-3 he would throw fits and scream “I want my mom” over and over for an hour straight, sometimes two.

    It really cuts you down as a parent. It took time, but things are much better now. I don’t think doubting your parenting abilities ever goes away, but candid discussions with other parents has defiantly made me feel like in not alone in this.

    • Reply
      Becky
      July 5, 2016 at 7:51 am

      Aw man, that would be so tough. I know Liam plays us in that when he’s upset or doesn’t get his way he wants the other parent. It’s hard to hear that he wants to be with his dad when he’s with me, but I feel better knowing he does the exact same thing to his dad.

  • Reply
    Jo @ Living Mint Green
    June 30, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    You are the sweetest. Thank you for your kind words. Always here for ya! Text, call, smoke signal me anytime, babe! 🙂 xoxox

    • Reply
      Becky
      July 5, 2016 at 7:50 am

      Haha, smoke signal! <3 love you!

  • Reply
    Kris @ Canadian Girl Runs
    June 30, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    Love you Becky. I hope things turn around super quickly for you. You are such a funny, amazing, brilliant, and patient person… DON’T FORGET THAT. 🙂 Oh, and I agree, Jo is kind of awesome.

    • Reply
      Becky
      July 5, 2016 at 7:50 am

      Hahah thanks girl. I’m not sure about the patient part but I appreciate your kind words <3

  • Reply
    Lindsey
    June 30, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    I know it’s been a hard week for you, sending you hugs! It’s easy for me to say everything will work out but I know right now that’s not a huge help. Just trust that it will 🙂 You’re a great mom and we all have those moments, and I can’t imagine how much harder co-parenting is..Liam is a great little dude, you’ve done great and will continue to 🙂 xoxo

  • Reply
    Brie @ A Slice of Brie
    June 30, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Oh friend, I know what a rotten week this has been for you. I wish there was something I could do or even say to make it better. But don’t ever doubt your mommying capabilities! You are a fantastic mother. Toddlers are just assholes sometimes and they like to keep us on our toes. I can’t imagine how hard co-parenting is, but I think you handle it gracefully. This too shall pass (my mantra for getting through tough days with a kid). Anyway, know i’m always thinking of you and am always here for you! xoxo

    • Reply
      Becky
      July 5, 2016 at 7:48 am

      Thanks friend. <3

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