Family

Confessions of an Imperfect Mom

October 9, 2014

Are you ready for some real talk this evening? If you’ve been reading this little slice of the internet for any length of time, you’ll know that I always keep it real. The internet makes it so easy to paint your life to be perfect and leave others feeling completely inadequate. Of course this is 100 times worse for mom’s these days, with all of the beautiful Pinterest parties, eloquent nurseries and kid’s rooms, perfectly styled children, professional grade photos, skillfully crafted school lunches, and endless sensory play bins that I could never imagine finding the time to build for my son, although I wish I could. But I love my son to the moon and back and then some. He’s fed, he’s clothed, and he’s the happiest little goof ball. I know I’m not perfect, but shouldn’t those things be enough? Frankly there’s not enough moms showing their imperfections on the ‘net and reminding us that we aren’t alone in our imperfections. I’m so glad that Tawnya posted her confessions and encouraged other mom’s to do the same. Her post came at a time when I really, REALLY needed to know that I wasn’t alone.

We shouldn’t have to feel guilty for not living up to the internet’s expectations of a good mom. Let’s help each other feel better about our parenting choices and help others know that they are never alone in the sometimes imperfect parenting choices they may make.

confessionsofanimperfectmom

  • My kid watches more than one episode of Bubble Guppies in a row. TV isn’t an every day thing in my house, but I will turn it on if I need to distract Liam or if we are home for a full day, like when he’s sick. It’s not uncommon for him to watch Bubble Guppies for a couple hours while he’s playing. It saves my sanity some days and I’m ok with that.
  • I feed my child processed food. When he first started eating I was big on not feeding him any processed foods. I knew he would get it outside of my home and I wanted to keep it out of his diet as much as possible. I even got mad at an uncle for feeding Liam Cheerios. But now the snack staples include Annie’s bunny crackers, packaged cookies, crackers, packaged deli meat and boxed mac and cheese.
  • My patience and temper are short. This is something I’m working on but brings me to my next point.
  • I yell at my child. One day after he was not listening when I asked him to put his toys away, I really lost my shit on him. I yelled so hard that he screamed and when I went to grab him to bring him back to his toys, he jumped as if I had hit him. I have never felt so much guilt in my entire life.
  • My floors are filthy. I never bother mopping the kitchen and dining room because they’re just going to end up dirty in 3 seconds anyways. My carpet is probably harbouring all sorts of weird things because it needs a serious cleaning too.
  • I feed my kid toast for dinner more than I should. It’s his favourite food and sometimes I’m just too tired/lazy to want to cook dinner that he probably won’t eat anyways.
  • I get excited for the days he goes to his dads. Of course I want as much time as I can with Liam, but doing it all on my own is exhausting and I really look forward to the time where I can just be me. Even if all I do is clean the house and watch Netflix.
  • I change my sons diaper while he’s standing up. He refuses to lie down for me anymore and it’s a battle I’m just not willing to have with him multiple times a day. So he stands, and I often fight to get him clean and sometimes he’s probably not even fully clean. Sometimes poo gets smeared on surfaces poo shouldn’t be on. But he has a clean diaper and my sanity and that’s all that matters right?
  • Liam still takes a cup of water to bed. I read many articles that say he shouldn’t do this, but when he was a baby it was the easiest way for him to go to sleep. He’d drink his bottle, toss it and roll over. He doesn’t have milk anymore, just water, but always drinks his water, tosses the cup and rolls over to go to sleep. Another battle I’m not quite ready for is weaning him from this behaviour.
  • I’m bad at discipline. I try, but I know I have a lot to work on. He often doesn’t listen to me and I’m working on my consistency and methods to try and improve it before I have a little monster.
  • I sometimes fear spending a whole day at home with Liam. I always try to get out of the house with him because we both get a little crazy stuck inside all day together. I remember when my day home had asked if I could keep him home the next day to try and clear his cold I was dreading being at home all day. In the end it was a perfect day and I had nothing to worry about, but some days, I’m ready for a drink at the end!
  • And like Tawyna ended her list with: I need help. Most days I feel like I have no idea what the hell I’m doing as a parent. Most other days, I’m so overwhelmed trying to keep up with a full time job, single parenting, and everything else in life. I don’t like to ask for help, but I always feel like I need it. And that’s ok and I know that it’s ok to ask for it.

Despite this list, I feel like I’m doing pretty ok at this mom gig. I have the cutest little boy with the goofiest personality and a lot of people who love him like crazy. I work hard to be the best mom I can be for him and hope that every night he goes to bed as happy as he could possibly be. His upcoming birthday party might not be worth pinning and his lunches may not be Instagram worthy and he may have watched two hours of Bubble Guppies while eating a bowl of dry cereal and his third banana of the day, but that’s ok. Again, like Tawnya suggested, I don’t need to hear comments of reassurance on how I’m a good mom, I already know I’m a good mom. I want to hear your confessions too, I want YOU to show other moms that bad days happen to all of us.

 

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15 Comments

  • Reply
    Alyica
    October 9, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    I should start my own list; seriously, I do EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of these things!!! You are doing a great job, and Liam is the cutest!! You don’t need to feel guilty about any of the things on your list; its called being real. Real life. A real mom. That’s what we all do!!! xoxo

    • Reply
      Becky
      October 10, 2014 at 10:14 am

      The only thing I really feel guilty about is losing my shit as bad as I did the other day. I know everything else is normal. I’d love to see your list. It really feels relieving to get it out in the open. I may even have to make another list down the road.

  • Reply
    Lindsey
    October 9, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    Haha Cheerios have been a staple in Avery’s diet for awhile now 😉
    I can relate too lots on your list. You are definitely not alone. Always remember people show the best usually which is ok but not their every day. Nobody is perfect nor should we be.
    You amaze me, as lots of single Moms do, you juggle being a Mom and working full time! I’m not sure I could do it. And Liam looks darn cute every time I see him 😉

  • Reply
    Tawnya
    October 9, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    Love this. I do almost everything on this list, you’re an incredible mom and I can’t imagine doing it all on my own (mostly) and working full time. You’re a rock star in my eyes. To touch on some of the points you said, TV IS an everyday thing in our house, so much so that it’s something we need to work on, I think this is the difference between stay at home mom and working mom though 😉

    Toast for dinner? I say at least he’s eating! and is the water in bed thing really a bad idea?

    also my floors are also filthy! Glad I could inspire you to write this 🙂 I’m sure so many mom’s will relate.

    OH and the patience thing… I’ve yealled at Scarlett and lost it before and it terrifies me that I did… I am constantly trying to keep my patience in check but it’s a daily struggle for me. You’re not alone. This parenting gig is hard.

    • Reply
      Becky
      October 10, 2014 at 10:17 am

      Oh yeah, if I was home with him every day, the TV would definitely be on every single day. How else do moms do anything with busy toddlers that don’t ever sit still?

      Again, thanks for starting this. I hope more moms will join in. It’s so freeing to let go of the guilts we have but also to be able to relate to others doing the same thing.

  • Reply
    Leslie
    October 10, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Thank you so much Becky! I had such a horrible day yesterday and had some major mommy guilt! I feel a million times better now

    • Reply
      Becky
      October 10, 2014 at 10:16 am

      I’m glad I could help, that’s what this post is all about. We all have bad days, every single one of us and it’s totally ok!

  • Reply
    Tami
    October 10, 2014 at 7:47 am

    I think that the internet should be banned for any first time moms. The expectations for new parents are unreal. Just listen to your moms and other ones that have had experience. Nothing wrong with cheerios, at least your kids have food. Nothing wrong with water at bedtime (whats up with that anyway at least its not pop LOL). I was envious of single moms who got to sent their kids to their dads. Oh a break like that would have been wonderful. Some of my kids favorite memories are the ones that didnt cost a cent (we were broke all the time). They remember the big box that we got for free and decorated it with crayons, cut holes for windows and they played with that forever. If anyone ever tells you that they have never yelled at their kids and lost it are lying. Everyone has done that. Dont be so hard on yourselves. Relax and enjoy those kids of yours. You are all doing a great job.

    • Reply
      Becky
      October 10, 2014 at 10:15 am

      Exactly Tami, it’s not about the elaborate toys and parties, it’s about the moments and the memories and I like to think I do a pretty good job of creating those for my little guy.

  • Reply
    Brie
    October 10, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Oh Becky, I can relate to so much of this list and I’ve only been a mom for 7 and a half months!! My patience is often tested daily and I’ve learnt I am not a very patient person. I’m lucky (and grateful) my husband is very calm and can take over in the evenings when I am about to lose my shit. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the standing and changing Liam’s diaper thing. We actually did that yesterday (Jim held Sully in the air while I struggled to put his diaper on) because he would NOT lay flat or still lol. And why is taking water to bed a bad thing?!? I take water to bed! As do most adults I know. If it helps him fall asleep and it is in no way harming him, who’s to say it’s a “bad” thing? And you don’t even want to know the state of my floors right now. I can’t even remember the last time I swept or vacuumed. Good thing Sully isn’t crawling yet! And, lastly, I’ve plopped Sully on the floor in front of an episode of some cartoon to entertain him for 30 minutes because sometimes it’s HARD to entertain a baby/toddler ALL DAY LONG. Sigh. Great post, thanks so much for sharing. Big hug to you for parenting on your own for so much of it 🙂

    • Reply
      Becky
      October 10, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      I’ve read multiple things about how we shouldn’t allow them to use a sippy cup as a sleep aid, how it can be bad for their teeth, how it’s bad for potty training in the future, etc etc etc. Everytime I read something that says you shouldn’t allow your child to take a cup to bed, I want to give them the middle finger and come and deal with my child lol.

      I’m glad you can relate and enjoyed this post. I hope that it can help and inspire others to embrace their parenting imperfections 🙂

      • Reply
        Brie
        October 11, 2014 at 12:04 pm

        Oh right, I have read that about the sippy cup. What about switching to a straw cup? And maybe put less and less water in it each time so potty training is easier when you come to that road? Or just give those articles the biggest FU and middle finger you can muster up because screw those experts. 😉

  • Reply
    nicole
    October 11, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Hugs! We all have these days. My toddler is definitely more challenging than the baby.

    I love that picture of you two!! Such a sweet moment! Liam is such a cutie.

    I agree- pinterest is great but it’s also overwhelming. Who has time (and money) for all that stuff? I often feel the same way about cooking- she’s not going to eat it anyway and by the time I get to eat it it’s cold!

    My confession: My house is way dirtier than I’ve ever let it get. I actually just hired someone to clean it this week because I felt so overwhelmed. Just for one day I wanted a clean house, where I didn’t have to sacrifice my brief free time to do it. It’s a luxury but every once and awhile you have to splurge for your sanity.

    Leo also rarely gets a bath- maybe once a week? Partially because he’s a baby and it’s not like he really gets dirty and with his eczema he can’t be bathed too often anyway.

  • Reply
    Alison
    October 14, 2014 at 9:16 am

    This is beautiful to read. So honest. I am totally going to do this post. It’s so hard to compare ourselves to others. I do it far too often and it’s on things that don’t matter AT ALL! There are so many of your confessions that were spot on for me too. My house rarely is ready for guests. My floors are so dirty (thank you Cruz) thankfully I am not a germofobe. But it’s hard to be “perfect” and never will I be that’s for sure. I should shower more often than I do. ha ha Thank you for this post though, it was so nice to read – even though it was probably hard to write. Hugs!!

    • Reply
      Becky
      October 16, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      Thank you Alison. Truthfully I didn’t find this hard to write at all. I’m not ashamed of any of these things and always love to keep it real. The hardest post to write was actually the last Virtual Wine Date about the emotional stress I’ve been under lately.

      I look forward to reading your confessions post!

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