If you follow The Bex Factor on Facebook, you may have seen that I decided I needed a break from blogging this week. I’ve been having a bit of writers block lately and felt like I wasn’t publishing quality content. I was trying to keep up with posting 4-6 times a week because that’s why my readers expect, but I just didn’t have anything worth talking about anymore. I also wasn’t writing creatively anymore. My posts became mindless to me, not taking much time to think about what I was sharing. I have been reading some incredibly beautiful writing lately and instead of being inspired I felt unworthy of even calling myself a blogger. I needed a break to find my creativity again.
A couple days into the week I received an email from a brand I’m interested in working with wondering why I hadn’t responded to their email a number of weeks ago. Huh? I didn’t get that email a number of weeks ago. But a number of weeks ago I was having some issues sending emails because my emails were being flagged as spam. This was just on the heels of finishing cleaning up the hacker code that was deep in the guts of my blog. Of course I contacted my host to find out why my email wasn’t sending, only to be told my content was probably the reason, when it was actually because my email was on a blacklist. I thought the issue was fixed, however I was still failing to receive any responses to emails I was sending. Perhaps if I’d have been receiving my emails, I could have had some different content to share and I wouldn’t have felt so burnt out trying to post so much lately!!
After a lot of venting and frustration, I realized it was time to breakup with my current blog host. Much like real relationships, things just weren’t quite working for me. He couldn’t give me the security I needed and call me needy, but I want to know that I’m always safe. I need someone who can protect me from the people trying to bring me down, warn me of the dangers headed my way and help me to prevent serious internal damage. We had a perfect relationship for a number of years and I really never thought the end would come. I was just too broken and my trust was gone. I needed to move on to someone who could build me back up again and keep me 100% safe no matter what.
I told him I was leaving, told him I needed better security. He told me he does his best to keep his loved ones safe, but sometimes things grow beyond his means and there’s nothing he can do. I think he was still kind of holding on that I would stick around for a few more months but I had already had my eyes set on someone else.
It’s not easy trying to find someone new to settle in with. I had a list of very specific qualifications I was looking for and not everyone could match those. Of course there’s the issue with all the baggage I come with too. Those deep internal issues that still need to be fixed, the trust issues I may have for awhile. It can be a lot for someone new to handle. After some searching and various inquiries I finally found someone who appealed to me. Someone who can handle me and all of my flaws and accept me graciously. I trust that this new relationship will work out better than the last, and I will become stronger for it.
I’m very sorry to anyone who emailed me without a response in the last couple months. I am confident that the switch to my new blog host will have me problem free in no time so I can get back to my normal blogging self. However, I feel like as soon as I removed the pressure to blog daily, I immediately had more ideas. It’s possible you may not see as regular activity from me as you were used to, but I hope that the posts you do read are better quality and more enjoyable for your reading pleasure. Of course I’m always open to questions and suggestions and promise that I will return each and every email I receive, so don’t hesitate to contact me if you would like.