Happy birthday! I can hardly believe you are already one year old. It seems like just yesterday I was told I needed to have an emergency c-section because your poor little head was tilted and you couldn’t get out. I remember being able to see you so briefly to give you a kiss after you came out. I remember your dad laughing because you immediately tried to pee on the doctor. I remember someone saying you were a big baby and the first comment was on the size of your feet. That made me laugh because your grandma and grandpa always made fun of me for having big feet. I remember something being not quite right and that you had to go to NICU. I couldn’t go with you because I had to go into recovery.
I will never forget the anxious feeling I had waiting to get to hold you. It was a long time until they would let you leave NICU with your dad. Your aunty Cassandra had come to visit me and I remember she cried when I finally got to hold you for the first time. I remember the feeling of my heart filling up so completely with love for you and that I never wanted to let you go.
I remember watching you in your little bed in the NICU every day and being so excited when they finally let you come home after four days. I remember all the tiny little noises you made that kept me up all night when you slept in the bassinet beside me. I remember how tiny you were the first time I put you in your crib.
I remember spending hours on the couch with you sleeping on my chest. It was your favourite place to sleep for so long. I miss that so much. I remember your first smile and how you loved to babble away at your Grandpa. I remember all the silly things I did to try and make you smile and giggle.
I remember the way you woke up talking to your toys and how you giggled at your favourite stuffed animals. I remember how I thought you would never learn to roll but once you did you rolled everywhere. I remember telling your grandma that I had a feeling you’d start crawling soon and watching you army crawl across her living room right after. I remember your first steps as you let go of my hand and took off down the hallway, drinking your bottle at the same time.
I remember all of the days I just wanted to stay home and hang out with you and all the times I crept into your room to watch you sleep. I remember so much of the last 12 months because they all just feel like yesterday. You’re not the squishy little baby that I brought home from the hospital anymore. You’re a tiny little man now with a big personality. You’ve grown up so fast and have learned so much and I couldn’t be more proud to be your mama.
We don’t get to spend all day together anymore now that I’m back at work and you spend some nights with your dad. I hope you know that you’re always on my mind while we are apart and that I love our time together even more. I’m excited to see you continue to grow and to have even more fun with you this year. I just hope the next year slows down a little. I love you so much, Bug. Happy birthday.
All my heart,