Family Random

The Perfect Mom

March 13, 2013

Yesterday was a crazy day and I didn’t get a chance to write a post, so this one is probably going to end up super long. Bare with me.

It was our last session of mom and baby yoga yesterday (which reminds me, I still need to register for the next session!).

My little yogi

After yoga, Cassandra and Oliver came over and we all ate, changed and ready to hit the highway to Edmonton for an Ikea trip. I have to say, I love how easy it is to care for your kid at Ikea. Need somewhere to feed them? Just choose a comfy looking living room display!

Layne gave me a budget since I took his debit card and I managed to stay well within it and still got everything I had hoped. That makes me a proud shopper. Liam could care less, he fell asleep.

After finishing loading up our purchases we were famished. Naturally we headed to the Olive Garden, our favorite place to eat. Luckily it was 5pm on a Tuesday which meant there wasn’t a wait! They set us up with these awesome hammock things to set our carseats in, rather than over turning wooden high chairs or putting them on the floor where they risk being spilled on or tripped over. Cassandra and I ended up getting their 2 for $35 dinner, with salad and breadsticks, an appetizer (we got bruschetta and calamari), and  an entree (Five Cheese Ziti El Forno for me). It all came out quick which was great since I was starving, but not so great because Liam was also starving and was taking his sweet time drinking his bottle.

I was multitasking with him in my lap while trying to eat my entree and suddenly Liam just starts SCREAMING. I realized I had spilled hot pasta sauce on his bare arm. I felt horrible. The poor guy howled and it took me forever to get him calm again. It kind of ruined the rest of the meal for me because I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid to eat hot food over my son. I’m glad that it didn’t end up burning him and he was all smiles and giggles after a couple minutes. Even today, I’ve been giving him extra kisses and cuddles because I feel awful for hurting him.

The situation really got me thinking about those women who appear to be perfect moms, whether intentional or not. When I got pregnant I had all these ideas in my head about how my pregnancy would go, how labor and birth would go, and how I would care for and raise my baby when he entered the world. I follow some blogs by women with children and they look like amazing mothers with the happiest little families and knew I wanted to create a family similar to them.

Then reality hit.

My pregnancy was fairly smooth but my labor sucked. After a four day hospital stay, my baby had breastfeeding issues, had to have a tongue tie procedure, doesn’t nap well and constantly has me on edge hoping that I’m doing everything right and that I’m not going to royally screw up. I’ve already accidentally starved my kid and now I’ve nearly burned him. I look at these other women and wonder how they make it look so easy!

I’m not saying that this new journey of mine has totally sucked. I love being a mom and I love my son and most of the time we get along our days really well. But there are always those moments when one or both of us are having a total meltdown, when I wish things were going a little better, where I wish I had done something different, when I wish I could just escape for a little while. Those are the days when it’s nice to know I’m not alone, that there are others out there that have bad days too, that have gone through the same nursing issues, that have babies that refuse to be put down to nap, and that aren’t the absolute perfect mom.

It’s already been scientifically proven that the internet is making people depressed. Why? Because Facebook, blogs, etc. enable people to portray their lives to be perfect which leaves others wishing their lives followed the same path. Why do we do this!! I’m the kind of person who believes in honesty (although if you ask my mother that might not always have been the case…). I like to keep my blog honest and real (but not negative). I want to share my good experiences as well as the bad for my readers. I am not perfect, nor is my life and I want others to be able to relate to both the good and the bad. I’ve shared my breastfeeding issues already (and plan to update how the exclusive pumping is going soon) and perhaps because of that I can help someone else going through the same thing. Sharing tips and tricks on motherhood (and life in general) is so much easier when we open up about our personal trials and tribulations through life instead of constantly sugar coating things.  It’s not that I feel pleasure knowing someone else has struggled or screwed up a little, but it makes me feel a little less alone.

It’s kind of the same as comparing yourself to the gorgeous girl with layers upon layers of makeup and styling products. She may look perfect and beautiful and you may wish to look as perfect as her, but underneath the makeup, she is flawed, just like you. Together we need to stop applying so much makeup to our lives and let our flaws as mothers, as human beings, show through a little.

After that stressful dinner, we packed the boys back up and drove home. I had ordered a cheesecake to go to share with Layne once we got Liam in bed. The Olive Garden makes the best cheesecake.

Since Liam has decided that getting up three times a night is fun, I was exhausted yet again this morning. I debated whether I should go to the gym or stay home and go back to bed when Liam goes down for his nap. The nap won and I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty. I needed to rest up for tomorrow’s attempt at the Crossfit Open WOD 13.2!

Instead I got a bit of exercise out on a walk with my friend Katrina and her little guy Landon, who is such a cutie! I spent the rest of the afternoon making muffins, bone broth and delicious bacon wrapped smokey pork (another Practical Paleo recipe, I really love that cookbook!)

Now I’m off to finish my glass of Apothic white wine before bed. Happy Wine Wednesday!

What are your thoughts on ‘the perfect mom’?

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Krista
    March 14, 2013 at 5:01 am

    Every mom strives to be a perfect mom. I think it is impossible. Mainly bc we do put too much pressure on ourselves as a mom and unrealistic expectations. But I think that is natural and comes with having kids. I have shed many tears over the past six years and can get upset looking back on something’s I did that make me feel inferior or a ‘bad mom’. I have taken everything as a learning experience and pray I am dong something right. I also know that hormones and sleep deprivation play a major rolle. Once our little monsters, I mean babies, start sleeping better (as I am writing this at 5am and the third time I am up tonight…13 hours was a one time thing!) it will be so much better! Ok…he is done eating….hope you got more sleep than me. See you in a few hours:)

  • Reply
    Andrea
    March 14, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    I lived with mommy guilt as soon as I had Hux, hence why I never considered myself a “mom” in the beginning. Everything I did was always wrong (or so I felt), and I would beat myself up about it all the time.
    I think the biggest issue I had was the breakdown in communication between myself and Hux. I never knew what Hux needed or wanted. I would panic and try new things.. try homeopathy, try different foods, napping schedules, co-sleeping, amber necklaces, new cloth diapers… nothing would ever work. Something was always wrong and he would cry or fuss and I would take it out on myself… but then something happened, and he started to talk. and when he did I could finally really communicate with him about what he needed and wanted. It was only then that I finally started feeling like a mom because I could listen to his needs.
    Here’s my mom horror story of the week..I bashed his head on the floor when we were dancing. I felt horrible.. but that’s life and it will happen again. 😉 You are doing awesome ladycakes!

    • Reply
      Bex
      March 15, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      Thanks for sharing this Andrea! You have done a fantastic job with Mr. Hux and you are going to do a great job with the new little bun.<3

  • Reply
    Amie@RonH
    March 14, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    Excellent post. It really puts it all in to perspective. I obviously have no idea what it is like to be a mother but its very clear your doing the best you can with little L and for that you should be proud. I think that’s what motherhood comes down to, being our best possible self and trying to instill healthy values in to our kids. Teaching that mistakes happen but its how you respond to them that shapes us as people. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability 🙂

    • Reply
      Bex
      March 15, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      I completely agree with you!

  • Reply
    Roberta
    March 16, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. Well there is, but it isn’t measured by what you do or don’t do. The perfect mom loves her child unconditionally. That’s it.

  • Reply
    Diana
    March 17, 2013 at 11:12 am

    For the record, I think you’re a nifty, creative, open-minded, and down-to-earth mom who cares a great deal about doing what is best for her child. That’s as close to perfect as one can get. I admire the hell out of you. <3

    • Reply
      Bex
      March 17, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      Thank you, Diana. He’s just too stinkin cute to not want to give him the world 🙂

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